I had a baby. A year went by and I thought, "I could do this again". And so I did.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I suppose I had a picture of two sweet children building block towers on the living room floor, splashing each other in the bath tub, sharing snacks at the playground. And this truly might be some vision of the future. But the present moment is more like Alice in Wonderland; the world is noisy and colorful but not much of it makes sense.
For instance, I spent the last three months nursing Sammy. I think that's all I did in my spare time. The rest of the day was changing, feeding, cleaning up after feeding, settling for naps, holding, calming, amusing, putting on clothes, taking off clothes, whining, singing, screaming fits, time outs, playing happily, watching the same movie again, crying, spitting up, doing the laundry, dishes, trash, cooking?, laundry, waking up at night, and then -
New day: start it all over.